What I Want To Be When I Grow Up - Part 2 of 2

The Misery Quotient... this is absolutely against everything I truly believe. Spiritually - it is not what I believe God wants from any of us. I believe He is the source of peace that passes understanding... That doesn't mean peace in the midst of everything going well, your husband being a happy camper, your kids having stress-free lives, making decisions that give them what they want out of life instead of decisions that limit their choices, healthy parents, homes that need no repairs, wells that don't need redrilled, the septic pump NOT failing the day before your daughter's wedding, and a healthy winter... it means peace that passes understanding... peace when everything is smooth sailing is understandable peace. Peace when your boat is rocking - well THAT's the peace that passes understanding.

So, what do I want to be when I grow up?

A woman of peace. A woman that doesn't base her faith and attitude on the storms or the calmness of the water. A woman who does all things without complaining. An example of what God can do in a life. A source of comfort to those around me, as an example of gratitude in the midst of difficulty. A woman finding satisfaction in the little things that she can do for the people she loves and the people in her community that need those little things for encouragement or just a solid home base.

I love being a homemaker. I love the feeling of a warm and welcoming place for my family to come to. When I finished baby quilts for my first two grandsons, I gave them something that is important to who I am - tradition, family, handwork, personal, an individual gift from only me to only him... not made in China.

Last year I made homemade jam from the blackberry bushes that grow wild on our property. I made home made salsa and spaghetti sauce, sweet pickles and sweet pickled hot peppers. I had more satisfaction from that than from any sale I've ever made. I painted our basement floor and walls to make it cozier. Yesterday i spent 2 hours washing walls and mirrors. I had a great day yesterday. Today I wash floors and bathtubs.

Planting a vegetable garden and working in it throughout the summer brings peace to my soul. To be working with God in his creation to provide for my family gives me a feeling that I can't explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it. It isn't that I can't go to the store and buy a jar of whatever... I could... but my husband was so pleased with his gallon jar of pickled jalapenos all through the winter. It certainly adds nothing to my social security account - that annual statement is a reminder that faith is a big part of my retirement account! The first summer we lived here - I walked through the woods and took clippings of all sorts of plants, ferns, daisies, etc. and filled a huge vase on our kitchen island... it was beautiful to see what God provides without the planting of one seed by a human being.

I guess I have the job I love. I have a God that I trust. I have a husband that loves me and I love and respect, and I can wake up and look at everything around me with a sense of gratitude. I have all those things and I appreciate them. It isn't a life without trouble - I also have a dog that has gotten me into trouble with a neighbor, a daughter in the midst of a custody battle which prevents her from moving to Texas with her new husband, a daughter frustrated that she can't afford to go to college, a son-in-law with mental illness married to my daughter that has lost part of her vision and only God can prevent her from going blind, and an immune system that can't resist grabbing up every illness it can find. In the past 5 years I've almost lost a grandchild to abortion and/or a daughter to suicide, my daughter was raped in a foreign country, my father-in-law died, my daughter went through a divorce.

The Misery Quotient is what I don't want in my life... and I'm not going to feel guilty about it. Perhaps giving up that guilt and determination to carry my fair share of misery is what prevents my husband from learning about peace that passes understanding. It feeds the cycle of misery. Too many of us have a habit of revealing our miseries because we feel that a life of appreciation is an unkind act - as though it's impolite to share our happiness, but it's OK to share our complaints. It really isn't a life void of trouble or sorrow - but it isn't a life that's all about trouble or sorrow. We all have some of each.

Some of us have health but lack a loving partner. Some have a loving partner but lack good health. Some have grief but financial blessings. Some have poverty but no one to grieve over. The rain falls on the just and the unjust - but we have peace that passes understanding at our fingertips... if we can just get over the guilt of accepting that peace.